Bryan's Blog :)

Entries

Friday, July 29, 2005

Hahaz! Today, a most embarassing thing happened... I went to school with an upset tummy... Upon arrival at about 6.40am, i suddenly needed to clear my bowels real bad... DIARRHEA! So, i raced to the cubical, pass out and suddenly felt that i had been too rash... I did not have paper with me... So in a moment of... DESPERATION, I had to sacrifice my........ I resulted in not wearing it for the rest of the day... KAOZ! Only like, a few people knew... Cause i told them... Cause i needed stand by paper... It felt so awkward lo! The feeling of nothingness and emptiness in the southern area... It's as if it's being exposed liddat... >.< Squinch and press that area just to feel secure... And feel not so repulsive and obscene... Of course, NOBODY could tell... lolx... had there been a mustant with see through vision in Singapore, he would have seen......... Anyway, i got home safe and sound... Thank God! Hee... Back to playing city of heros again... During the prelim period somemore lo.... Haiz..........

barked at
8:59 pm

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

3 tests all the same format!!! WAAAAH! Source based, horrid structured and only 1h 30 mins! HAIZ!!

There's that same feeling when i take people here... Like, i'm visiting someone's house liddat... It's somewhat weird right? My own house seems distant... Usually, i would feel it to be sooooooo routine and a particular daily thing... Why does this feel this way?

barked at
3:12 pm

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Why am i so paranoid ahz????? Reality check... I need what? Assurance... That's normal what... Bloggies are ramplings about what i feel, think or decided... So, i would vent and burst... You may not agree, but it's your opinion... Remember, there's no particular way to determine somthing... I feel that sometimes i offend people, and they keep quiet about it, or it affects them in a very negative way... I hope that doesn't change one bit of our relationship... No hard feelings... If there're things which i rambled but u see as untrue, well, u can confront me then... I don't mind receiving advice... But *smacks forehead* who am i kidding? Few really bother nowadays... BAH!

barked at
3:14 pm

Friday, July 15, 2005

My mind is confused. I have no idea what to say. It hurts. It does. God cares. His care is so sweet. They care. Their care hurts. His care is boundless. Their care has a limit. His love never ends and I know it. Their love will end one day, but as of now, my faults are blinding me. They love me no doubt, but i can't see it. They know more. Should they? Is what they view me correct? The truth? It matters. If it's not then they are wrongly witnessing. But it's still their opinion. I must have done something to say things like that. So it's credible. Reliable! The things they say are to help me. Not to hurt me. They seem different. But that doesn't mean that will change a friendship. Or have i changed? I start to see things wrongly? I DO NOT want to loose them. But it fels too hard already. The times have changed. People change. Do they want it to be the way it was? I cannot tell... Maybe it's the starting of a blissful relationship? They are begiining to care, for they are correcting me. Or maybe they think that next year would be separation? I still don't know. I mean, i like them. I love them. I would......... if i had to. The way they put it is so harsh. Hurtful. Sad. Mean. And they refuse to tell me. Why? They don't want me to be a better person? Or they do not want to hurt me? It works both ways right?
Bitchiness? Hypocrisy? Exaggeration? False testimonial? Do i really posess those? Bitchiness... yes? Can i deny it? Refer to it as pettiness... Admit?? YES... Hypocrisy? Promise breaking... Terrible attitude towards other people. Acting the self that's not me. ADMIT?? YES... That's horrid of me. But how can bitchiness be one of the hypocrisies? Does it benefit me if i were sissy? Still continue? No... But i do think i have a minimum chance of changing... ADMIT? YES... Exaggeration? Screaming... Sharp screeching... Irritating... Somewhat odd only... ADMIT?? YES... False testimony? Lies... Falsehood... Deception. Hiding truths... Am i so cruel? Are these TRUE?? ADMIT?? YES... They are... That's how much i have sinned... Much MORE to be precise... And they are making me realise... Only God can help me now.

Fine... My fault... What did i do? I think too much. Maybe it was unknowingly? All the more, it shows that it has become a habit... They put it across to others. Like it doesn't involve me. How do i know? "They" tell me. What else? I don't blame either party. As i said, it works both ways. Maybe they do not want me to think too much? Or they are actually just irritated by it only. Small deal? Or is it not? It blocks my chain of thoughts because i stop dead in my tracks here. If they did not want me to change however, it's a whole new story. I know how some people can be downright mean and sluttish. I have haerd more than enough stories to know. But it's ruled out. Nobody i know of can ever be that mean. Not even if i know what they are capable of. They look so cheerful when i see them but they suddenly become serious and ignorant when i'm near. More often it's outside home and school that i can tell the difference. Should i bother? I don't know what to say. Would i have done the same thing? I'm not sure... It's chaos and havock in my mind now. There are factors to consider.

I can't follow the crowd. Literally... Figuritvely... I can't relate and i mustn't relate. There are constrictions that affect my thoughts and motives. Propoganda is very strong. Sometimes, i do not even know whether it's correct or wrong. I analyse and act out accordingly. Or at least i hope i do. God made it clear. Follow Jesus or follow him. it's not a sacrifice. It's a decision. Besides, i do not get to miss the fun of life. But there are things that i must do and things i must not. I need God's help now... Seriously need it. After all, even if nobody loves me, God does. And it doesn't matter if they do. They come as a bonus. The love i long from them can only be so much. Ultimately, it cannot affect me spiritually. But, point taken.... Even bullying me helps me in one way or the other... Don't fight back when i can control it. Just get the ulterior motive of that action take. What can't kill me will only make me stronger... So, thanks to them... Lord, bless them....

barked at
4:52 pm

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Investiger is one of the times where i can somewhat perdict what will take place after. Someone, be it teacher or principal, will definately make the whole cohord stay back and scold us... It is always nice to see friends up there on stage, looking AH-HEM and shuai and wei feng and simply well, adorable? Hmm... the list: shiow-hao, alford, eric, guowei, zhengkai, ziyan, jason, chihhaur, shikai, jonny nad rayston (did i miss anybody?)..... Zheming was like so sad lo... Kena tekkan by the school... Got like a few others also... So darrylleong will say out their name... "Lim Zhe Ming, from the" and darryl will make the pitch higher... "StUdent Council ProJect MAnager!"... Silence for a second and.... "BOOOO!" So sad lo... I won't likle it if it were me... But he's so robust... Consider things like this as common and used to le... Wah... Pei fu... Got alot of things i can't remember that were so hilarious that it was not exactly that boring... The student leaders can leave lesson early la!!! KAOZ!! *envious*

Summary tomorrow, so the truth will come out... Is it B3, B4, C5 or quite obviously inevitable C6? Hmm... *sobs*

barked at
5:31 pm

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

School is getting kind of odd. Maybe it's me that's the weird one. I feel as if i am distancing away from people. Many people alike... Haiz... Feeling more and more, well, lonely? Maybe that's the way i am? Some don't even like me... :'(

Poor mummy. Being a HOD of english is not easy for anyone. Why? 3 reasons... Unco-operative teachers, setting of papers and having a child that sux in english...

1)Unco-operative teachers... She has to collect files and view work from all her english teachers and it's quite a pain when she has to mark compositions of the whole level... So saddening...

2)Setting of papers... She will mug other sources for good passages just to set 1 pathetic little comprehension. It's scary if she has to deal with diciplinary problems involving the papers like what happened today. Rumour went around my mother's school about the sec 4 prelims oral examination questions and almost everyone heard about it. It was a downright fake created by a mean person who played a trick on his friend. His friend was so dumb to believe he started spreading and it reached my mother's ears... People can get sooooooo mean.

3)Lastly, Having a child that sux in english. I mean, won't she feel very awkward? HOD of english lehz... MY GOODNESS!!!

A few more days before prelims... I'm starting to get anxious already... O dear...

barked at
7:21 pm

Monday, July 11, 2005

Really long since I last blogged... Lots of things happened in between... The pile of homework is good enough evidence why i didn't blog... Like ~duh!~... So angry at that crisis...

Prelims coming and i seem to be doing maths everyday... School A to F... Full set... SIANZ!!! I can't even finish my homeowrk... Teachers all pms... Even males... ARGH!! So much homework!!!! Likai came over twice... Both times went home somewhere around after midnight... Homework for so long from 8pm still cannot finish... Have to practice sciences le... So much... Speaking of prelims, english was like... HAIZ! To look at it on the bright side, my oral pulled me up. To put it frankly, i did so badly for my compo and compre. 14/30 and 12/25 is like, a FAIL... Hopefully, i can get a B3... So my summary must get 20/25... No kick!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

It's the worst time to worry about a relationship and problems involving the heart.. Almost all the time is being concentrated on schooling, homework and such. We must take time out for more important stuffs, like other people's relationships with God and whether seeds are sown or not. More often than not, a "partner" is actually very vital in one's life. As in bfs and gfs... They motivate their admirers to do things they ought to and that's good. It is not good however when it comes to the part where they absorb and drain too much time out that it becomes not practical. I should not think of it as an investment which pays big dividends. Other people may say things about me which may really hurt and make me feel extremely low and lousy. It's when my friends step in and assure and comfort me, criticize me and advice me that i find true friendship in such trying times. Not that i should do that all the time. That would be the investment. Of course, this happend after my turn to God. This relationship is one that will nevery fail. God keeps everythin in place and will never take time away from my school... What's more important? This relationship is. I love my friends, ALOT. How do i know if they love me? I know God does.

I am loving my cell more and more... Hmm... Maybe i'll get tekan by them in the future... Who knows? You guys rock!

barked at
4:51 pm

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Know what my oral got? For acting normally, i can get such a score for oral?? Wah... O levels get this and i'll be happy!!!

My hotmail got problem... One hour there's no mail... I send twice, and people have both in the next... All cramming for the o levels tomorrow... Chinese oral playa a big part... In fact, oral plays a big part in all the language examinations... MUAHAHAH! I got experience... heehee...

barked at
2:30 pm

Monday, July 04, 2005

The longest period of time before i posted... Like, just came back from Bintan, blogged.... One week later, then blog agian... Practically dead... So must write more!!! LOLX!!

Let me see... I want to start from today!! Just came back from mrs tan's house... Had like, SOOOOOOOOOO much fun!!! I got to do the things with the people i love and enjoy spending time with... every single one of them... First was "sports"... Everyone playing tennis and badminton, and i got a little footage... My memory ran out half way though... SAD! Then was bbq... I mean like, so much food, can't even finish lo... So delectable and simply scrumtious! Then... not that i wasn't willing or anything... I enjoyed being dunked... I mean it!! It felt quite nice actually... Like, you don't have to force yourself to get wet, people will do it for you, and tease and harass you so often... So much attention... But it was rather forceful! Pushed about 14 times into the pool, dragged 4 times and ganged thrice... HMPH! If my handphone got wet... It won't be too bad also right? i mean, i get a new one! LOLX! The second gang got me into the pool and the third was futile... I still had my suit on... :P Then more eating and BLAH BLAH BLAH.... Left... Only mr wang turned up... Don't know if happy or sad... Notice i tried to wear not as "..." kind of clothing... Jeans no one can say anything... WAHAHAHAH! I loved te time there!! Especially the PEOPLE there... Wah... Wee Kiat and Wee Leong went... The third one taller than the second... But the second like sooooooooooo cute... Mouth like acid one... Not vulgar, but sharp... Youngest brother a bit different... More of the larger side... OOps... Let's see who went: test the initials for classmates: ayytung, gpsheng, agcchun, cgcsheng, ckquan, dxkming, rlyjun, jcmjing, rnwjie, jtjwei, sloyuan, jtzzhong, cyguang, bedwjun, egmgen, gchong, mhjliang, jlzming, xywbeng, tbteck, etssong, jtchao, swhao, lrsheng, dlwren, mmzzhi, ojshiong, bnwsen and last and hopefully not least, btsrong!! YAY! i can remember... Woot! Only like 3/4 of us got wet.. The others either: can not swim, must not swim, could not bear to swim, or there was no way they could swim... Lolx... Best class? HEE!

After that some of us went for arcade!!!! OMY!! 10.15pm we reached... They switched off the machine at 10.30pm... SHARP! Half-way through my velfarre 2k... WAAAAH! I never get to finish that... A slurpie and i'm home, like at 11.15pm.. So early! Haiz...

Go on to let's see... Move back according... Yesterday there was homecoming, i didn't bother to go... I lost my tickets.. How sad is that? My brother and i didn't go for youth service because there wasn't... We were supposed to go for combined service today at 11.15am but went for the 8.30am one at 9.00am late... But that's not the point... Instead of the routine youth service, my family and i decided to do some "exercise" at our country club: THE LENGENDS at fort canning... I slacked, obviously, and wasted time in the gym, just playing around... That gym super g*y! Extremely well equipped with high tech machines! Over 15 tread mills ( NO KIDDING) with 10 with private televisions just in front of it!!! The people there wern't many... I could like, play everything as they had sets of each... So fun! Then food at the cafe downstairs... Never order drinks without looking at the price... My family paid $30 for 5 glasses of lime juice that sarked! So ANGRY!

Back track... Youth day! Hmm... Here goes... Go to school, assembly, going to paint tiles but Xie called me down... Good thing too anyway... Got aircon and jbzhao to do my tile... YAY! Then me and aaron went to bookshop, i bought 2 furry cute things and aaron bought batteries... Went to help mrs tan with the jelly and ended up doing the teacher invitation card for 5 teachers where only 1 turned up... haiz... Then helped her sell muffin and jelly, in the end Xie bought all the rest, so sold all! LOLX! Not sure what happened during the game because was i was like, running here and there... But i think we lost by a point... Right? Anyway, CHMA at night as i heard was nice, but i didn't go... No ticket... Go aaron's blog to see... Got certain parts about it... I think...

Hmm, before that, my brother's birthday was on the 27th... We went to swensens in thompson plaza... $65 vanilla ice cream cake and there are 2 pieces left over... I saw qiu lao shi walking toward creststar centre... Maybe he teachers art or d&t there... I don't know... By the way, qiu lao shi is our 2703 way of acknowledging mr ku... Wahahahahah! Those were the days of glory! Now are the days of love! Bleah!~

I bought my brother 5 vcds to watched and we got scolded by our parents... Haiz... What's so wrong about it? Only 5... Ocean's 12, white chicks, agent cody banks 2, tales of unfortunate events and cheaper by the dozen... Scold from 10.30pm till 1.00am... So tired... And it's not as if he's getting more for Christmas...

Let's see... It has been so "stressful" for me that I had to loosen up a bit with a stressful game of maplesea... Now... homework is not done, and I do not think it will be for a long time... I do not intend to do much more, even thought prelims are but a month away and I have to catch up with aaron gian in maple... NO MORE GAMES FOR ME! One commitment that is soo hard to keep... hmm... Lord, help me to not play, or rather play only when I have to, or rather play less, or do work more? Amen... Aiya... Place all trust in Him... Can liaoz! Just let Your will be done...

barked at
12:50 am