Bryan's Blog :)

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Wednesday, May 25, 2005

I don't know why... But bloggie seems to be the only thing to do now a days... I don't know what God's plan for me is... but in the meantime, i have my blogg...

Carrie rocks... Nicest song she sang at the finals... OMY!!! Such excellence, grace, poise, serenity... Takes some worries off my mind...

Loneliness, singleness, all by myself... Hahaz... Sounds all so sad, depressing, miserable... How can i feel like that everyday? It's not as if i don't have my happy moments... The smiles... The smiles they give to me... That's all i want... Who's smiles... those special few to me... School is like a movie i watch alone, where everyone are actors in a screen... Acting a show for somebody else, but unknowingly is seen by me... Nobody to actually play with, slap, punch, hug, kiss, snuggle, kick, pinch, cuddle, holler, shout, scream, blast, confront, comfort in... Or is it just me? I hope... Maybe it's the actions i do... Doing things i shouldn't and making people angry... Or it's the in ability to own up, or speak up, or open up... Due to seriousness? Holiness i hunger? High expectations for myself? Or for that person? Or maybe i'm just plain lame? Or it could be the fact that i find no common traits i share with anybody? I want to be able to get involved in their lives, them to be involved in mine and sow care and concern... I want LOVE, CARE, CONCERN, ULTIMATE ATTENTION... childish dreams to get that? I want to be able to be able to embrace that person in public without that person caring about embarassment... Can i change? Be the most popular? Most liked? Most loved? Most desired? Most lusted? Or should they change? No... It's never their fault... So it's mine? Must be... So i feel so alone because of my own faults? Maybe they do not know i love them... I do not mind the insults, fingers pointing at me, the disregard, neglegience... But they do... Live with it... How can i? I am who i am... I turned out to be like that... God doesn't make mistakes... Maybe i did... On my journey here... It was so painful... Now it seems to be better... Or not? I become disliked cause i'm like "THAT"? It does seem that way... But i like being like this... It prevents unrighteousness... Or doesn't it? There's the b***hiness of this character... That's unholy... I must apologise... Or maybe i do it too much? Sensitive? Yea.... Haiz... It's a lie to say you don't care what they feel... You want them to be happy, the best they can be... too much to ask? I will just go on consoling myself... True love never dies... This is not true love... Or is it? Sometimes, certain things happen that you do not want to happen, but it does... So... N-O one can blame me... And the blame from a problem caused by someone else cannot be placed on the innocent... But do i not have a partial fault to play? Things can be done to alter the event... Doesn't matter... Who would read to here? lolx... Argh... Got to go clean my tears...

barked at
3:28 pm